Richard and Ian - conversation

Richard: Good morning. I'd like to speak to Ian Watson, please.
Ian: It's me. Who's calling, please?
Richard: I am Richard Swainston.
Ian: Oh, yes. I know, Andrew told me, that you will call me. We have a problem with a new programme...We need you. Are you available later on today?
Richard: I've just washed my head and I need some new cute hairdo, so I have to wait for my friend, hair-dresser, her name is Marie, she is so beautiful and her legs...
Ian: It's your private matter. But I have to know when you can come...So, can you tell me when?
Richard: I can't tell...My hair will tell me...Marie will tell me...
Ian: What?! Eeeeeh! (Andrew told me, that he is a little bit strange! He lied me...He is totally mad.) So, what we can do now?
Richard: You have to wait for my hair...
Ian: Wait. Well, tell me, please, tell me roughly, when you will come?
Richard: Today, tomorrow...I don't know. My hair will tell me later...
Ian: Well, I have problems with my nerves, it's dangerous for me to go mad...And I can tell you, this conversation is a good way to go mad...so let we say that you will come tomorrow morning...Is it acceptable solution for you?
Richard: Yes. But...
Ian: Grrrrrrrr...Don't tell me that you are going to have new hairdo tomorrow...
Richard: Eh...I will break over...tomorrow I won't have new hairdo...(Cruel compromise...) I will come to Smiths Insurance...
Ian: Thank you! Thank you very much! See you tomorrow.
Richard: But....
Ian: Shut up! ...Eh sorry mr. Swainston...I have to take my anxiolytics...Good bye.
Richard: Oh yes, good bye my friend...
Ian: My friend? what?!...No...let me calm down...Good bye. Don't say nothing.

Richard and Jeff - conversation

Richard: Good morrr - eh errh - rning Jeff!
Jeff: Is Richard there?
Richard: Eh?! It's me!...Is that Jeff?
Jeff: Hey friend, You've changed your voice! Ha ha ha...
Richard: It's not funny! I've tonsillitis...ehrrr eh...I've received your -ehrrr - message.
Jeff: Oh my poor Richard. Yes, the message...Are you available later today?
Richard: Yes, I am, but I have to stay at home...Doctor said.
Jeff: Ok, I will visit you! And I will buy some flowers for you...
Richard: Errrrrghrghrg....I'm allergic...You can't bring me flowers....sorry...but...thank you...errrgh...
Jeff: My poooooor Richie...I will buy chocolate cake! Is it OK?
Richard: I hate chocolate-eeeeeeeeeeerrrgh...eh...
Jeff: So what can I buy for you?
Richard: One bottle of Zelená please...errrgh...it's good disinfection and this is what I need now...Thank you...eeeeerghrrrr...
Jeff: Oh my poor Richichichichichie, I will buy three bottles of Zelená and I will bring your favourite collection of porn...
Richard: Which one...errrgh?
Jeff: This one with little obese balletgirl and three penguins...
Richard: Oh yes, errrrgh eh eh errrgh...Thank you...I'll look forward to seeing you tonight.
Jeff: Me to...Good bye my poor friend...And don't forget - penguins are waiting...Bye...
Richard: Bye...errrrrgh errrrgh eh eh...Help me! Eeeeeh...I can't breathe....eeeerrgh eh eh---
Jeff: Are you there?!... Richard? ...Do you hear me?...Richard!...Say something!...Oh shit...
Richard: Ha ha ha... I was joking...ha ha ha...I'm healthy like fish...Ten to nine, I'll be waiting next to bar "U Zkalený krtonožky"...Bye...