Richard and Ian - conversation

Richard: Good morning. I'd like to speak to Ian Watson, please.
Ian: It's me. Who's calling, please?
Richard: I am Richard Swainston.
Ian: Oh, yes. I know, Andrew told me, that you will call me. We have a problem with a new programme...We need you. Are you available later on today?
Richard: I've just washed my head and I need some new cute hairdo, so I have to wait for my friend, hair-dresser, her name is Marie, she is so beautiful and her legs...
Ian: It's your private matter. But I have to know when you can come...So, can you tell me when?
Richard: I can't tell...My hair will tell me...Marie will tell me...
Ian: What?! Eeeeeh! (Andrew told me, that he is a little bit strange! He lied me...He is totally mad.) So, what we can do now?
Richard: You have to wait for my hair...
Ian: Wait. Well, tell me, please, tell me roughly, when you will come?
Richard: Today, tomorrow...I don't know. My hair will tell me later...
Ian: Well, I have problems with my nerves, it's dangerous for me to go mad...And I can tell you, this conversation is a good way to go mad...so let we say that you will come tomorrow morning...Is it acceptable solution for you?
Richard: Yes. But...
Ian: Grrrrrrrr...Don't tell me that you are going to have new hairdo tomorrow...
Richard: Eh...I will break over...tomorrow I won't have new hairdo...(Cruel compromise...) I will come to Smiths Insurance...
Ian: Thank you! Thank you very much! See you tomorrow.
Richard: But....
Ian: Shut up! ...Eh sorry mr. Swainston...I have to take my anxiolytics...Good bye.
Richard: Oh yes, good bye my friend...
Ian: My friend? what?!...No...let me calm down...Good bye. Don't say nothing.